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You’ve just been condemned to everlasting torment (foul sinner that you are), and Beelzebub informs you that you will be listening to the same 10 records for the next 10,000 or so years.   The good news is that there’s no One Direction, Ke$ha, or Justin Bieber, in the mix – nor is there anything from the past few decades.  The bad news: Beelzebub’s playlist consists of these 10 records….

Gheorghe Zamfir, The Lonely Shepherd, 1978
Yes, you’ll be listening to the Pan flute for the next 10 millenia.  Sadly, it doesn’t improve with time.  In fact, it seems to get worse with each listen. Abandon all hope ye who plays Zamfir.

Scotty Plummer, Banjo On The Roof, 1975
If you thought the Pan flute was bad, wait till this annoying rascal starts playing his banjo.  You’ll want to kill yourself, but, alas, you’re already dead.  There can be no escape from young Scotty Plummer.

Pat Boone Family, In The Holy Land, 1974
No Playlist of Eternal Torture is complete without something from the Boone Family catalogue.

Andy Stewart, Andy's Hogmanay Party, 1977
Maybe it’s all well and good if your Scottish, but for the rest of mankind, Andy’s Hogmanay is the stuff nightmares are made of.  (Listen if you dare.)

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Pan flutes, and banjos are bad….and yet, there is something much worse…

Koichi Oki, Yamaha Superstar!, 1972
That strange noise you hear isn’t the magic of the Yamaha keyboard, it’s your sanity imploding.

Hillside Singers, I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing, 1971
As you’d expect, also on the album are “Day by Day” from Jesus Christ Superstar and “Kum Ba Yah”.     This is low, even for Beelzebub.

Roger Whittaker, Feelings, 1980
“Feelings” is inarguably the all-time worst song to hear over and over.   To make matters worse, it’s sung by Roger Whitaker.  And to make matters existentially unbearable, it’s on a double album!

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Don’t ever let Liberace creep up behind you like this.  Bad things happen when Liberace creeps up behind you.   Listen if you dare.


Just in case your mind remained intact for the previous 9, here comes Mrs. Mills…

THE END…. OR IS IT?

Bwahahaha!  Bwahahaha! (sound of evil laughter fade out)

Text and image from flashbak

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Christianity will go,” said Lennon. “It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue about that. I’m right and I’ll be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now. I don’t know which will go first, rock ’n’ roll or Christianity.

Birmingham disc jockeys Tommy Charles, left, and Doug Layton of Radio Station WAQY rip and break materials representing the British singing group the "Beatles" on August 8, 1966. The broadcasters started a "Ban the Beatles" campaign after Beatle John Lennon was quoted as saying his group is more popular than Jesus. Charles took exception to the statement as "absurd and sacrilegious." (AP Photo)
Birmingham disc jockeys Tommy Charles, left, and Doug Layton of Radio Station WAQY rip and break materials representing the British singing group the “Beatles” on August 8, 1966. The broadcasters started a “Ban the Beatles” campaign after Beatle John Lennon was quoted as saying his group is more popular than Jesus. Charles took exception to the statement as “absurd and sacrilegious.” (AP Phot

 


The Beatles went up in smoke near Fort Oglethorpe, Ga., on August 12, 1966 as neighborhood youngsters severed once and for all their two–year friendship with the four world figures. The Beatlemania bonfire, planned by Chuck Smith, 13, was in protest against John Lennon remark to the effect that the Beatles a
re “more popular than Jesus.” (AP Photo)

 


The Beatles appear to have lost their popularity at Beaver Meadows, a small community in northeastern Pennsylvania according to the sign, “God Forever, Beatles Never”, posted along Route 93, near Hazleton on August 10, 1966. A proposal in the Pa. legislature asks the ban of any future appearance of the Beatles in this state because of a remark attributed to one of the Beatles that they are more popular than Jesus Christ. (AP Photo)

Young churchfolk from nearby Sunnyvale on the San Francisco Peninsula protest against the Beatles and John Lennon's remark that the Beatles are more popular than Jesus.
Young churchfolk from nearby Sunnyvale on the San Francisco Peninsula protest against the Beatles and John Lennon’s remark that the Beatles are more popular than Jesus.

Text and image from flashbak

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Over the past fifty-some years, she has gone from a chipper country starlet to a worldwide icon of music and movies whose fans consistently pack a theme park made in her honour. Dolly Parton is loved, lauded, and larger than life. But even her most devoted admirers might not know all there is to this Backwoods Barbie.

1. AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES AREN’T FOR HER.

Her theme park Dollywood offers a wide variety of attractions for all ages. Though she’s owned it for nearly 30 years, Parton has declined to partake in any of its rides. She has explained, "My daddy used to say, ‘I could never be a sailor. I could never be a miner. I could never be a pilot,’ I am the same way. I have motion sickness. I could never ride some of these rides. I used to get sick on the school bus."

2. SHE ENTERED A DOLLY PARTON LOOK-A-LIKE CONTEST—AND LOST.

Apparently Parton doesn’t do drag well. She told ABC, “At a Halloween contest years ago on Santa Monica Boulevard where all the guys were dressed up like me, I just over-exaggerated my look and went in and just walked up on stage…I didn’t win. I didn’t even come in close, I don’t think.”

3. PARTON SPENT A FORTUNE TO RECREATE HER CHILDHOOD HOME.

She and her eleven siblings were raised in a small house in the mountains of Tennessee that lacked electricity and indoor plumbing. When Parton bought the place, she hired her brother Bobby to restore it to the way it looked when they were kids. "But we wanted it to be functional," she recounted on The Nate Berkus Show, "So I spent a couple million dollars making it look like I spent $50 on it! Even like in the bathroom, I made the bathroom so it looked like an outdoor toilet.” You do you, Dolly.

4. SHE WON’T APOLOGIZE FOR RHINESTONE.

Parton is well-known for her hit movies Steel Magnolias and 9 to 5, less so for the 1984 flop Rhinestone. The comedy musical about a country singer and a New York cabbie was critically reviled and fled from theaters in just four weeks. But while her co-star Sylvester Stallone has publicly regretted the vehicle, Parton declared in her autobiography My Life and Other Unfinished Business that she counts Rhinestone’s soundtrack as some of her best work, especially "What a Heartache."

5. PARTON IS MILEY CYRUS’S GODMOTHER, SORT OF.

"I’m her honorary godmother. I’ve known her since she was a baby," Parton said to ABC. "Her father (Billy Ray Cyrus) is a friend of mine. And when she was born, he said, ‘You just have to be her godmother,’ and I said, ‘I accept.’ We never did do a big ceremony, but I’m so proud of her, love her and she’s just like one of my own." Parton also played Aunt Dolly on Cyrus’s series Hannah Montana.

6. SHE RECEIVED DEATH THREATS FROM THE KU KLUX KLAN.

In the mid-2000s, Dollywood joined the ranks of family amusement parks participating in "Gay Days," a time when families with LBGT members are encouraged to celebrate together in a welcoming community environment. This riled the KKK, but their threats didn’t scare Dolly. "I still get threats," she has admitted, "But like I said, I’m in business. I just don’t feel like I have to explain myself. I love everybody."

7. PARTON STARTED HER OWN "LIBRARY" TO PROMOTE LITERACY.

In 1995, she founded Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library with the goal of encouraging literacy in her home state of Tennessee. Over the years, the program—built to mail children age-appropriate books—spread nationwide, as well as to Canada, the U.K., and Australia. When word of the Imagination Library hit Reddit, the swarms of parents eager to sign their kids up crashed the Imagination Library site. It is now back on track, accepting new registrations and donations.

8. PARTON’S HOMETOWN HAS A STATUE IN HER HONOR.


A stone’s throw from Dollywood, Sevierville, Tennessee is where Parton grew up. Between stimulating tourism and her philanthropy, this proud native has given a lot back to her hometown. And Sevierville residents returned that appreciation with a life-sized bronze Dolly that sits barefoot, beaming, and cradling a guitar, just outside the county courthouse. The sculpture made by local artist Jim Gray was dedicated on May 3, 1987. Today it is the most popular stop on Sevierville’s walking tour.

9. THE CLONED SHEEP DOLLY WAS NAMED AFTER PARTON.

In 1995 scientists successfully created a clone from an adult mammal’s somatic cell. This game-changing breakthrough in biology was named Dolly. But what about Parton inspired this honour? Her own ground breaking career? Some signature witticism or beloved lyric? Nope. It was her iconic big bust. English embryologist Ian Wilmut revealed, "Dolly is derived from a mammary gland cell and we couldn’t think of a more impressive pair of glands than Dolly Parton‘s."

10. SHE TURNED DOWN ELVIS.

After Parton made her own hit out of "I Will Always Love You," the King’s manager, Colonel Tom Parker, reached out in hopes of having Presley cover it. But part of the deal demanded Parton surrender half of the publishing rights to the song. She has shared, "Other people were saying, ‘You’re nuts. It’s Elvis Presley. I’d give him all of it!’" Parton has admitted, "But I said, ‘I can’t do that. Something in my heart says don’t do that.’ And I didn’t do it and they didn’t do it." It may have been for the best. Whitney Houston’s cover for The Bodyguard soundtrack in 1992 was a massive hit that has paid off again and again for Parton.

Text and images from MentalFloss

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a12029_sauna

…… of music can this be

Finish polkas played on accordions? Swedish folk music? Disco? Or simply rhythmic slapping with birch branches with the occasional softly whispered “Oh yes”?

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a1204_scratches

…. to get scratchy records

Image found at beatnickdaddio

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a1160_joe cocker

John Robert "Joe" Cocker OBE
(20 May 1944 – 22 December 2014)

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Well, I’m Doing My Part At Least

a1139_vinyl

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