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Posts Tagged ‘Aunt Mabel’

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Suddenly Aunt Mabel regretted that she had told her two friends that she was wearing no knickers that day in the park.

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There was one thing to prefer to practice playing the violin without wearing any knickers in the privacy of her own home, quite another to go for a picnic without any.

At home young Johnny was the only one who could see her and he didn’t mind at all of course. It became rather embarrassing when her two friends in the park insisted on having a look.

Young Johnny preferred rock as any sane young man of course, but with a view like this, who care what music is being played.

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Aunt Mabel has always been proud of her legs. At the top picture here we see her in a friendly “best legs on the campsite” at White Cliff Bay on the Isle of Wight during the summer holiday of 1969. Due to heavy 153flirting with several of the judges promising the most outrages naughtiness in her tear-drop camper she won of course.

Her ample supply of home made booze that she served the judges from the kitchen end of her camper just before the competition started may have had something to do with the result as well.

Looking at the size of her camper one might wonder how much outrages naughtiness there is actually room for in there, but men are so easily fooled aren’t they.152

On the other hand, Aunt Mabel is known to appreciate her naughtiness more than most as we all know so who knows what she keeps inside that small tear-drop.

Young Johnny might have been able to shed some light on the subject, he has been camping with Mabel often enough, but he know how to keep his mouth shut the naughty sod.

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One Saturday when aunt Mable held a neighbourhood garden party a lady turned up with an accordion. A bummer in itself, but said lady used the horrible instrument to accompany her own drab and dreary religious songs. It didn’t take long before some of the guests started crying with despair.

Aunt Mabel did the only sensible thing. She tore the dreaded instrument out of the woman’s hands ripped it in two, threw one part in the pool and slipped the other part over the woman’s head and said in her most restrained and polite voice: “One more sound out of you and you end up in the pool too.”

The woman choose to leave the party for some reason and aunt Mable to carry on partying now that the mood of her garden party had taken a turn for the better.

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Aunt  Mabel’s thirteenth husband Roderick owned a pub. Yeah, let that sink in for a moment. Mabel with free access to the bottles and barrels in a public house. Disaster you may think, and right you are.

Roderick, that poor sap, thought he had got himself both a cook and a barmaid. How could he know that the good looking 038woman  he had met in Kensington Gardens that bright and sunny Sunday in May had the capacity to drink his most alcoholic patrons under the table and that as cook she was among the few who could burn even water.

Mabel’s foul mouth, terrible temper and heavy swearing made her absolutely useless as a barmaid, even Roderick’s most faithful patrons began to find their pints and booze elsewhere. And the bub grub she cooked was left untouched even by the rats in the backyard where it eventually ended.

Besides poor Roderick would usually find Mabel dead drunk among empty bottles at one of the indoor tables or knocking down 016pint after pint at one of the outdoor ones if the weather was good. There she would whistle at any man passing by, shouting indecent suggestions after them as they hurried down the street.

Well, you should know our Mabel well enough by now, so you’ve probably already guessed that she was heading for another divorce fast. And right enough, poor Roderick had had enough of auntie after about 6 month. Not bad for Mabel really.

I must admit I sorely miss all that free booze Mabel later told young Johnny squeezing his bum playfully pressing her ample bosom teasingly against his arm, and she added, but that Roderick fellow was a right pillock. No fun what so ever.

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When it comes to offering a man a drink in an interesting way few woman have got a repertoire like aunt Mabel. She  doesn’t even bother if the man in question is to plastered to hold the drink himself.

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Should the man in question on the other hand have no interest in alcoholic beverages at all aunt Mable can easily take care of all the drinking herself. Here’s a picture from the modest gathering during her eleventh wedding.

The particular husband in question, Bertie, who had met Mable through an add she had put in a parish magazine just for the heck of it, was as you can see already beginning to have second thoughts.

That marriage, was by the way aunt Mabel’s personal record, it lasted a little under 6 days.

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You might not know this but every year a competition called Miss X-Ray is held in connection with the International Radiologist Convention which for some strange reason is always held in a small town on the Yorkshire coast called Bridlington.

Back in the sixties Aunt Mabel won that competition. You can see her in the middle of the picture above. her abuse of alcohol, tobacco and other objectionable substances had yet to make their mark on her inside.

During the festivity later the same day a radiologist from Huston did his best to seduce young Mabel, but the only thing he got out of that was a rather ugly cut in the forehead from Mabel’s rather heavy first prize and a night in the local intensive unit.

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During the divorce negotiations after Aunt Mabel’s ninth marriage fell apart her lawyer advised her to dress properly. “And remember, wear a hat” was his final words on the matter.

Aunt Mabel who had so much downright unlawful and immoral behaviour she could reveal about her opponent in the presiding  
that she chose a headwear that signalled quite clearly that it all would end up for everyone to see if she didn’t get exactly what she wanted.

Needless to say the poor man left the negotiations penniless.

As he gathered up his paper to put them in his briefcase her lawyer couldn’t help smiling as he whispered “Nice choice of headwear madam.” “I thought it just the thing” Aunt Mabel answered giving him her most innocent smile.

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